A good friend told me that as long as I am confident in my work around in life, there's nothing to worry. I didn't think of that. Ulysses had already proven likewise and I didn't consider it. I was dragging myself to a free dive on a sink hole. Something's wrong...there is something to notice on what's happening; I was provoking myself to become miserable, to shift the rudder of my ship and to head towards a starless horizon. I simply wanted to become their casualty and succumb to my defeat.
But the battle has no ending yet. Much as I was provoking destruction and stupidity, I still managed not to succumb to the toil of this quasi Quixotic experience. Because I wanted to see more of what I do and what I will become in my resistance against the abysmal refusal of scholar absolutists.
Funny, now I just thought of a line from one X-Ray Spex song that's not entirely relative, "Oh bondage, up yours!"